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The community for the targets of bullying behaviour

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My nephew is a sweet kid, 16 years old, and a proverbial heart of gold.  He loves the Rocky movies, and walks around the house in a Hef-life silk robe.  He's a character.  He's ADHD and in learning support.  He bears a striking resemblance to Screech
  from "Saved By The Bell".  And he's been constantly bullied by a kid at school that bears a striking resemblance to
  former world heavyweight boxing champion, Mike Tyson.  I live 200 miles away, or I probably would have resolved things myself and gotten a jail sentence for my troubles.  My sister, a notch more rational than I, has been in contact with the principal and assorted ass-clown administrators.  At one point she was told that "Tyson" was being suspended.  And then they decided not to because A.) Tyson denied any wrongdoing, and B.) they had no "authoritative" witnesses.  Basically, Tyson's word against Screech's.  Personally, I think it's a case of reverse discrimination, but I feel racist even saying that.  But I can't help but feel that if it was a case of Hulk Hogan bullying Steve Erkel, the Rainbow Coalition would be camping out on the high school's lawn.
Does anyone know of any resources?  Any advocacy groups she could contact?  It seems like this instance of bullying is being trivialized but if a student were to bring a nail file to school, the zero tolerance policy would suddenly kick in.
Any advice?  Please?
Current Location:
too far away
Current Mood:
angry angry
Current Music:
Barry White "All Time Greatest Hits"
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I learned all about feminism from my friend Ana Casian Lakos. She told me about racism, classism, priviliege, and why they're bad.

Yet it seems that since i learned about this stuff, life hasn't gotten any better.--it's gotten worse. People just dont want to hear about it when you call them out on their sexist and racist behaviour.

Is it just me, or does feminism take a lot of courage?

It takes a lot of courage, and courage is something i dont want to have.

How the fuck are you supposed to be a feminist with people telling you everywhere, that it's such a bad thing.

Why do people have to bully you about it, all the time?

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From a website on Workplace Bullying:

Targets

The common stereotype of a bullied person is someone who is weak, an oddball or a loner. On the contrary, the target chosen by an adult bully will very often be a capable, dedicated staff member, well liked by co-workers. Bullies are most likely to pick on people with an ability to cooperate and a non-confrontative interpersonal style. The bully considers their capability a threat, and determines to cut them down.

Profile of a Bully

Adult bullies, like their schoolyard counterparts, tend to be insecure people with poor or non-existent social skills and little empathy. They turn this insecurity outwards, finding satisfaction in their ability to attack and diminish the capable people around them.

A workplace bully subjects the target to unjustified criticism and trivial fault-finding. In addition, he or she humiliates the target, especially in front of others, and ignores, overrules, isolates and excludes the target.

The Burden of Bullying

Bullied employees waste between 10 and 52 per cent of their time at work. Research shows they spend time defending themselves and networking for support, thinking about the situation, being demotivated and stressed, not to mention taking sick leave due to stress-related illnesses.

Bullies poison their working environment with low morale, fear, anger, and depression. The employer pays for this in lost efficiency, absenteeism, high staff turnover, severance packages and law suits. In extreme cases, a violent incident may be the tragic outcome.

The target's family and friends also suffer the results of daily stress and eventual breakdown. Marriages suffer or are destroyed under the pressure of the target's anxiety and anger. Friendships cool because the bullied employee becomes obsessive about the situation.

Moreover, our health care system ends up repairing the damage: visits to the doctor for symptoms of stress, prescriptions for antidepressants, and long term counseling or psychiatric care. In this sense, we all pay.

- From the site http://www.safety-council.org/info/OSH/bullies.html
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Funny how I never blogged about this when it happened: a year ago, my co-worker Don-Marie (a much older woman), abruptly began bullying me. She seemed obsessed with the necklines on the shirts I wore, saying they were too low and "provocative". She said that I was distracting the male clients (we work in mental health, at a crisis house), and here's the kicker: that I was going to cause our male co-worker to cheat on his wife because he would be too tempted by seeing my "provocative, sexy" shirts. And, she added, how would that make me feel, if I knew I had caused so-and-so to cheat on his wife? Besides, wasn't I supposed to be a Christian?

For the record, my necklines never go any lower than this:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

And secondly, you cannot even SEE cleavage with the shirts I wear. What you do see is a bit of shadow, but no cleavage. Everyone else I work with thinks I dress appropriately, and they find it laughable that someone would actually have a problem with what I wear.

Anyways, this woman would NOT lay off - try as I might to defend myself. She just bulldozed right over me when I tried to stick up for myself. She kept upping the ante, and her attacks became even MORE mean and obnoxious. She would stare at my chest, gesture at it, and make comments about how big my breasts are. At one point she even insinuated that I was a prostitute! That happened when I was leaving work at the end of my shift. Another co-worker asked me where I was going, and Don Marie said "She's wearing hooker boots and a low-cut top, where do you think she's going?" I freaked out on her but it didn't do any good. So the next day, I went to my boss and he spoke to her. In fact, she got written up for it.

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I deleted this as someone managed to post this somewhere and make a mockery of it.

I am proud of who I am, and anyone who wants to take the piss out of me by posting this all over the place can get fucked.

I survived worse shit than a couple of immature fucktards with nothing better to do.

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Hi guys....

I'm 28 years old and I was bullied from about the age of 9, all the way through to college, which I attended when I was 25. The worst of it occurred in high school. I've been literally traumatized by the events that took place. I've been meaning, for probably a YEAR, to post some of my experiences on this community, but it is simply too painful.

Yesterday I ran into an acquaintance who went to the same high school as me. She's going to college right now and is being bullied by some younger girls in her class. She mentioned that she remembered how I was bullied at our high school; then she began describing how she was a spectator during one incident in which a group of girls rushed me outside the school and beat me up. She said she remembered how I'd been wearing a short skirt, boots, and pantyhose, and how the girls had knocked me down and beaten me up; my skirt flew up and everybody saw. "I felt so sorry for you".

Needless to say, hearing this brought it all back - the humiliation, the degradation of it. It absolutely triggered me and I couldn't get away from her fast enough. I spent the rest of the evening as an emotional mess because of this.

Anyone else still struggle with being "triggered", even if it's been years since you were bullied?
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Hi. I am 22 years old, and i don't often find myself a target of bullying any more, but i am scarred very deeply by the cruelty and ostracism that followed me from grade school up until highschool. I think that even though it's all over, it still affects me today.

I'm almost completely alone, I don't trust anyone, and i can't seem to connect with anyone. I can't maintain any sort of interpersonal relationship, either. At times i just feel hateful and resentful of the world around me. I want to heal, but i don't even know where to start.

My life is a mess and i am a mess. I still cry. I am absolutely sure that the key to a better life is picking up the pieces of my shattered psyche. I just hope we can talk about recovery and self-discovery...and make progress.

peace,
ellen

Current Mood:
sad sad
Current Music:
system of a down
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"Bullied Mice Show Brain Reacts to Stress"

By LAURAN NEERGAARD, AP Medical Writer
Thu Feb 9, 6:42 PM ET

Any bully's victim knows the experience can cause lingering fear. Now scientists watching big mice intimidate small ones have discovered the stress spurs genetic changes in the brain -- a finding that may help research into depression and other mental illnesses.

The experiment suggests a part of the brain linked to addiction also plays a previously unsuspected role in illnesses characterized by chronic anxiety and social withdrawal, Texas researchers report Thursday in the journal Science.

In fact, a substance produced in the brain, called BDNF, seems to be the culprit, controlling whether the bullied mice turned into fearful hermits or not.

"This is a fascinating observation," said Dr. Thomas Insel, director of the National Institute of Mental Health, which helped fund the work.

Neuroscientists at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center wanted to test the role of the brain's "reward pathway" in depression-like behavior. This brain circuitry is involved in emotional learning, and recognizing pleasure, and thus has a role in addiction. But people with major depression become almost numb, unable to experience pleasure, suggesting another role for the reward pathway.

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Is anyone interested in becoming the maintainer of this community?

I haven't had the time to put in to lately, and as it is not being used very much will probably delete it if no one else wants to keep it going...

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Hmmm... I have sort of a problem with bullying. See, my little brother is one of the ignorant jock types, always calling me gay or fag or nerd or dork or ugly or pathetic. I really don't know how to respond to it. Wit doesn't work because he's too dull to recognize it, and even though I can totally tear him apart, I can't because he's tiny and weak and my mom would probably kick me out or send me to jail if I did it seriously enough to dissuade him. I do little play fighting and threats but I really do lack the seriousness to convince him, I'd have to be willing to do it for real.

I work off my anger by going on the computer, lifting weights, and doing martial arts and tumbling, but it's really pissing me off. I dream of fixing my acne and losing some fat so I can throw that shit in his face... I am NOT cutting my hair or moving more masculine or stopping bellydancing or anything though, I refuse to change no matter how angry I get and how much conflict I could avoid. Besides, even if I did change, those types would find something else to pick at anyway, so may as well stand for what you believe in :)
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